SantaBanta Jokes Corner

A man walks into a bar.

He says to the barman, "How tall is a penguin?"

The barman says about three feet.

The man says, "Don't you get any penguins taller than that!"

The barman says, "Maybe maximum four feet but no taller than that."

The man says, "Oh shit, in that case I just drove over a nun."






Santa and Jeeto got married. Santa thought this would be a modern marriage, which meant equal roles for equal partners.


So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Santa brought Jeeto breakfast in bed.


Jeeto wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.


She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!"


Undaunted, the next morning, Santa brought his true love a scrambled egg.


Jeeto wasn't having any of it. "Don't you think I like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"


Determined to please his wife, the next morning he brought his true love two eggs - one scrambled and one poached.


"Here, my love... enjoy!"


Jeeto was furious, "You idiot, you scrambled the wrong egg!" 




A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.

By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.

A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!" 




A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.


After he finished, he headed to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator.


The wife comes home sooner than expected, and heads to the bathroom, sits down and gets the toilet seat stuck to her rear. She becomes upset and in a panic shouts to her husband to drive her to the doctor.


She puts on a large overcoat to cover the stuck seat, and off they go.


When they get to the doctor's office, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.


The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"


"Well, yes." the doctor replied. "But never framed." 






Jeeto: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

Santa: "Definitely not!"

Jeeto: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

Santa: "Of course I do."

Jeeto: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

Santa: "Okay, I'd get married again."

Jeeto: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

Santa: (makes audible groan).

Jeeto: 'Would you live in our house?'

Santa: 'Sure, it's a great house.'

Jeeto: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

Santa: 'Where else would we sleep?'

Jeeto: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

Santa: 'Probably, it is almost new.'

Jeeto: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

Santa: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

Jeeto: 'Would you give her my jewellry?'

Santa: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'

Jeeto: 'Would she wear my shoes?'

Santa: 'No, her size is 6.'

Jeeto: Silence.................

Santa: 'Shit'.