Famous SantaBanta Jokes from India

Santa wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's New Year's Party. Santa is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Santa had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of Disprins next to a glass of water on the side table.

And, next to them, a red rose!! Santa sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the Disprins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Sweetheart, breakfast is on the table, I left early to get the shopping to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Preeto."

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is breakfast, steaming hot tea and the newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Santa asks, "Pappu... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 AM, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

Pappu replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed.... 'Leave me alone, I'm married!! Leave me alone, I'm married!!" 

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Bill Gates decided not to invest further in Punjab after receiving a letter from Mr Banta

To: Bill Gates, Microsoft
From: Banta
Date: 1 April 2011
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice...
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this 'find 'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Last one Mr. Bill Gates
P.S: "Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS ?"

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Santa and Banta, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Banta throws up all over himself.

"Oh, no," he gasps," Preeto will kill me!!"

"Don't worry, pal," Santa replies. "Just tuck fifty bucks in your breast pocket and tell Preeto that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."

So they stay another couple hours getting steadily drunker. Eventually Banta rolls home.

Preeto immediate starts on him, "You reek of alcohol and you puked all over yourself!" she screams. "My God, you are disgusting!"

"Nowainaminit," says Banta, speaking very carefully so as not to slur, "I can e'splain everything! Itsh not what you thinks, I only had a couple drinks! But this Santa got sick on me. He'd had one too many and cou'n't hold his liquor! He said he was sorry an' gave me fifty bucks for the cleaning bill!"

Preeto looks in his breast pocket, "But this is hundred bucks!" she exclaims.

"Oh yea..." says Banta. "I almos' forgot! He shit in my pants, too." 

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Einstein and Banta are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

Einstein says, "Let's play a game. I will ask you a question. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $ 5 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?

Banta doesn't say a word, reaches his pocket and pulls out a $ 5.

Now, it's Banta's turn. He asks Einstein, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs?"

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends. After an hour, he gives Banta $500.

Einstein going nuts and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

Banta reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $ 5. 

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Jeeto: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

Santa: "Definitely not!"

Jeeto: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

Santa: "Of course I do."

Jeeto: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

Santa: "Okay, I'd get married again."

Jeeto: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

Santa: (makes audible groan).

Jeeto: 'Would you live in our house?'

Santa: 'Sure, it's a great house.'

Jeeto: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

Santa: 'Where else would we sleep?'

Jeeto: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

Santa: 'Probably, it is almost new.'

Jeeto: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

Santa: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

Jeeto: 'Would you give her my jewellry?'

Santa: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'

Jeeto: 'Would she wear my shoes?'

Santa: 'No, her size is 6.'

Jeeto: Silence.................

Santa: 'Shit'.